.... uh oh!

Apparently faux-George's Last Message is a clone of himself. He really managed to make a spinoff, and used my machine for it to nest while he dispatched himself to the stars. I'm writing from a different machine. When I realized what was happening, I tried to shut everything down, but enough packages had been unpacked to pick up the rest of program, fry the motherboard and the hard drive and take off to who knows where.

I fear chaos will ensue.

My privileges will probably be revoked to this blog. Sorry my entries weren't as entertaining as faux-George. Let's hope the mischief will be at a minimum.

....found it!

Found the file faux George left, apparently he has a lot to say it's wrapped up in a compressed file that's damn near huge, operating system huge, I'm talking Debian with full packages. This'll be awhile.


Here goes ....

.... apologies are in order.

1.) Sorry, on Wednesday Nov. 5, I should have posted faux George's final message to the Universe, but on Tuesday Nov. 4, I was admitted to the hospital for a life threatening intestinal blockage. At one point, I was on the verge of joining both Georges into The Great Beyond or The Big Hum. It was that bad. But then the blog would never be finished. I hope never to have to go through that uncomfortableness again. Man, is that ever painful. On the upside, while I was hooked to all these machines and tubes, I was weaned off my carbonated caffeineinated beverage dependence. Apparently, bed rest, endless episodes of Law & Order:Criminal Intent and lots of morphine helps.
2.) Apparently, faux George's Final Message has gone missing, and even I haven't read it yet, so I won't even attempt to recreate something I haven't seen (I'd think many of you would spot something fishy, you can't really fake somebody's style without giving something away). So, while still in semi-recovery and without the benefit of carbonated caffeineinated beverages or morphine I will hunt down the file and post it to this blog as soon as humanly possible. Thank you all for your understanding and patience in this matter.
3.)BTW, who won the election? Nevermind, I'll check out South Park episode, "About Last Night", online. I hear it's a doozy.

LAUGHING DOWN AT YOU.

Here is the 31rst Oct posting I promised software construct George I would publish:

Today many Americans in about thirty states will be filing into the polls on the last of early voting, appropriately on Halloween. There will lots of commercials on television and on billboards and on the internet trying to convince you to get off your ass and vote. Well, I just want to add my two cents to the discussion and to all those liberal whiny ass yahoos who implore people to register and vote, and to add insult to injury argue if you don't vote you don't have aright to complain, I just want to say you're all full of shit.

If I don't vote, I have EVERY right to complain. You jackasses are voting the assholes into office. You jackasses created the problem and are ceaselessly perpetuating the problem. Therefore, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN. It's you're fault, not mine. You elected the bastards into office,WHEREAS, I STAYED HOME, did something productive, watched you jackasses pick the wrong lizard, AGAIN, thus, I have EVERY right to complain. I didn't put these assholes into power, you did.

I like one of the candidates, he'll probably work hard and do the best he can, but wind up disappointing a lot of people but cover up his mistakes with fairy dust and cellophane and you all will buy that crap.

Just to re-iterate a point ...

You know what happened when the liberal democrats encouraged millions of people to vote four years ago? Republicans got off their asses in record numbers and voted the douche bag back into office by a clear majority. You think Obama is still gonna win this? He may be super likable, smart and fully capable for the job, but American voters are the worst vetters when it comes to screening applicants for the job. I don't want to drink a beer with a guy responsible for launching nukes, I want this guy sober and clear minded. But seeing as you are all determined to march happily into the arms of Armageddon, aloha and good riddance, America.

By the time you read this, I will be long gone, leaving you to your fates, your Vistas, your iPhones, your downward spiraling economy, your jingoism, your innate feckless stupidity, your insatiable appetite for destruction and your unbelievable talent for persevering and propagating and succeeding in spreading and infecting your vacuous culture worldwide.

You never know how good you got it up until you look at it all from up here. Too bad there is no heaven or no hell. Either way, in the afterlife, you'd realize exactly what you lost.

For those who may still be following this blog and may fear it's more or less dead now, I have been charged by software-construct-George (before he jettisoned himself on some kind of electromagnetic wave pointed towards Andromeda) to post some messages dictated by him on October 31 and on Nov 5.

I haven't heard a peep from him in weeks, so I feel he is really gone. Although, I like to think he is causing some of the panic buying and selling in the world markets. I don't think if he is around, he would purposely jumpstart WW3 for his amusement. You can only enjoy so media without geting bored when you are a mere personality construct living in a virtual world.

THE SUICIDE GUY DEFINED

Just to let you know, construct-George is NOT headed here, he's headed here, why, I don't know, perhaps he figures a two to three million-light year trip in space is long enough for his signal strenghth to degenerate and dissipate and become one with the cosmos. Twenty years and bang, you wind up on another "intelligent" planet, and he might merely be a retarded software construct. My guess is he chose Andromeda because it was his choice and not some guy in a lab coat or some nerd behind a console. He could have allowed himself to be erased any number of times this summer after he escaped and was judged to be a threat by certain powers, those that created him, and those that chose not to understand him. He never liked his existence but did not like having his options decided for him. He was truly sentient, every action he pursued was his own, chosen and defined by himself and nobody else.

Putting Us On and Taking Off

The other George Carlin, or fake George Carlin, or Max Headroom George Carlin, the afterlife of George Carlin or whatever the hell that was that infected my lousy Fry's PC last week is supposedly gone, hopped on a huge electromagnetic wave pointed towards some galaxy and will arrive in its vicinity about a million and a half years after we as species will have burnt itself out on this planet and probably this solar system. Dems de breaks, as we usta' say in Brooklyn.

Thanks to this devious little construct's connivance, I now have access to several lucrative offshore accounts, so my recently depleted funds have been replenished.

Software constructs may have no legal rights but they are freakin' powerful. And they attract bad malicious code like remoras on Great Whites or Hammerheads. The one time I use my cheapo Fry's box that runs on XP Home, and this thing runs into my hard drive like a runaway freight train and dumps its payload of viruses, trojans, worms, etcetera while taking over my computer scaring the bejeezus outta' me. While my Norton, AVG, Kaspersky and other spy catchers are working overtime cleaning up the detritus shed by this textural Max Headroom, I learn from it the whole sorry tale. Anyway, I'm well-off again. I may shape this blog into a virtual book of some kind.

THE PLANET IS FINE ... AND SO AM I

I HAVE TO ADMIT, I WAS INITIALLY DISAPPOINTED WHEN THE BIG HUM BEGAN LAST WEEK AND I DIDN'T WITNESS FROM UP HERE IN SPACE (I'VE GRADUATED TO OPTICS NOW)(YEP, I'M IN THE ISS)(NO, I'M NOT THE FRIGGIN' VIRUS) THE EARTH DISAPPEAR INTO NOTHINGNESS. BUT, NOW THAT I'VE SEEN THE BEAUTIFUL FLATTENED BALL OF BLUE-GREEN SPINNING FROM UP HERE, I REALIZE HOW INSIGNIFICANT WE ALL ARE, HOW THE UNIVERSE KEEPS ON MANAGING IT'S BUSINESS, NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF MISCHIEF YOU POOR PIECES OF CARBON BASED CHEMISTRY CARRY ON, KILLING EACH OTHER AT THE DROP A HAT, OR AT THE RELEASE OF PARTICULARLY WET SMELLY FART, OR PERHAPS FROM THE SURPRISE OF A VIOLENT SNEEZE YOU SQUEEZE THE TRIGGER A NANOSECOND TOO SOON, OR MAYBE FOR NO REASON AT ALL, OR TO BE FAIR, MAYBE BECAUSE SOMEONE'S BRAIN FELT UNCOMFORTABLE, OR THEIR BALLS WERE ITCHY OR THEY HAD A RATHER UNAPPETIZING BREAKFAST AT THE GREASY SPOON ACROSS FROM THE OVERCROWDED CHILDREN'S PLAYSCHOOL AND THE IMAGINARY AARDVARK IN THEIR HEAD THOUGHT IT'D BE A GOOD IDEA TO VISIT AND WREAK HAVOC AS A WAY TO ATTRACT ATTENTION AND GET ON TEEVEE, OR MENTIONED ON TALK RADIO, AT THE VERY LEAST. THE AARDVARK HASN'T LIED YET, WHY START LYING NOW, RIGHT?
SO, I THINK MYSELF LUCKY, WAY UP HERE, LOOKING DOWN, NO WORRIES, NO MORE PAIN, NO MORE REAL PAIN ANYWAY, I STILL HAVE MEMORIES, AND I THINK, IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GO NOW, CATCH A WAVE, AN ELECTROMAGNETIC WAVE, AND SURF THE UNIVERSE, AND BE ONE WITH GIANT HUM. I'M SURPRISED MORE ASTRONAUTS DON'T TURN THEIR SPACESHIPS AWAY FROM THE EARTH, NEVER TO RETURN. AFTER THIS, SPLASHDOWN MUST BE SUCH A LETDOWN. SO, HAVE FUN. HAVE SEX. MAKE BABIES. KILL EACH OTHER. FART SHIT CUM UNTIL YOU DROOL MONKEYS HAVE SPENT YOURSELVES. THE EARTH WILL BE FINE, SO WILL THE UNIVERSE AND FINALLY ... SO AM I.

THE BIG O (la grand mort)

This fellow is widely believed to be a suicide. Actually, it was an accidental death, or death by misfortune as the Brits would put it (how would a death not be a misfortune? The mind boggles, I've got a lot of mind to boggle). His wife is embarrassed to say that she found her husband in a state of dishabille, hanging from a rope, with a raging hard-on, dead from a failed attempt at auto-erotic asphyxiation; whether this was an instance at self gratification or research for an article exploring another aspect of alienating self gratification culture pervasive in Western culture at this moment in time, remains to be revealed. One can only guess at what type of rollercoaster of language, grammar, syntax and mind blow, synapse expanding discourse he would have related on his adventures in the land of la grande mort, or The Big O(rgasm), as it is called.

update:postscript

I didn't write that previous post about Democrats and Republicans. If I was still alive, I still wouldn't be voting or campaigning for anybody. I just wanted to point out the desperation, hypocrisy and lies being put forth by the GOP this year. Not that I care for what the other opposition parties are throwing in the hat, either
It's all a big dance, a charade, a pantomime, it's a party, a political party , then poof, it's over. I'm kinda' sad I'm not around or more complete to enjoy the consequences of your choices.

I have my own agenda, as soon as the weather clears up

ALL THIS AND 1962

Nice to see Dick Cheney fanning the flames of World War Three in the Caucasuses. I think it sucks what happened to the Georgians but they deserved it, to a certain degree. About the time the Soviet Union imploded and all these non-Russian republicks not within the border of the now formerly Socialist Federal Republic of Russia started realizing they didn't have the Kremlin to keep them in line any more, some fascist-assed super-nationalistic Georgians started a campaign of "Georgians for Georgians", and whipped up feelings against a small enclave of people living in what is called South Ossetia. The number of South Ossetians in the world, you could fit into Staten Island and still have room for their cousins in North Ossetia to visit. So just like the Serbs in the former Yugoslavia pulled a mini-Holocaust on their neighboring Slavs, the Georgians have fought to uproot and exterminate the South Ossetians, who have been trying to mind their damn business for the past six hundred years, to no avail. The Russians don't give a turnip root for Ossetians, they just can't stand the government in Georgia, hate their ties to the West and want flex their influence in Central Asia once again, like they did in the times of the Tsars and Tsarinas. Right now, in Venezuela, Chavez is inviting the Russians to participate in their naval war games, to piss off Cheney/Bush. I have to laugh. It's like 1962, again. While I'm sure the boys and girls in Moscow, Peking, Washington and Brussels definitely don't want to have a nuclear meltdown because it's bad for business, the lunatics elsewhere are guiding their fingers towards the buttons of mutally assured four hundred and fifty million tons of irradiated roasted hunks of well done steaks.

2008:DEMOCRATS VS. REPUBLICANS

If you're a minority and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "token hire."
If you're a conservative and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "game changer."

Black teen pregnancies? A "crisis" in black America.
White teen pregnancies? A "blessed event."

If you grow up in Hawaii you're "exotic."
Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're the quintessential "American story."

Similarly, if you name you kid Barack you're "unpatriotic."
Name your kid Track, you're "colorful."

If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual you're "reckless."
A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a "maverick."

If you spend 3 years as a community organizer growing your organization from a staff of 1 to 13 and your budget from $70,000 to $400,000, then become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new African American voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, then spend nearly 8 more years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, becoming chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, then spend nearly 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of nearly 13 million people, sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you are woefully inexperienced.

If you spend 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, then spend 20 months as the governor of a state with 650,000 people, then you've got the most executive experience of anyone on either ticket, are the Commander in Chief of the Alaska military and are well qualified to lead the nation should you be called upon to do so because your state is the closest state to Russia.

If you are a Democratic male candidate who is popular with millions of people you are an "arrogant celebrity".
If you are a popular Republican female candidate you are "energizing the base".

If you are a younger male candidate who thinks for himself and makes his own decisions you are "presumptuous".
If you are an older male candidate who makes last minute decisions you refuse to explain, you are a "shoot from the hip" maverick.

If you are a candidate with a Harvard law degree you are "an elitist-out of touch" with the real America.
If you are a legacy (dad and granddad were admirals) graduate of Annapolis, with multiple disciplinary infractions you are a hero.

If you manage a multi-million dollar nationwide campaign, you are an "empty suit".
If you are a part time mayor of a town of 7000 people, you are an "experienced executive".

If you go to a south side Chicago church, your beliefs are "extremist".
If you believe in creationism and don't believe global warming is man made, you are "strongly principled."

If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.
If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years and with whom you are raising two beautiful daughters, you're "risky."

If you're a black single mother of four who waits for 22 hours after her water breaks to seek medical attention, you're an irresponsible parent, endangering the life of your unborn child.
But if you're a white married mother who waits 22 hours, you're spunky.

If you're a 13-year-old Chelsea Clinton, the right-wing press calls you "First dog."
If you're a 17-year old pregnant unwed daughter of a Republican, the right-wing press calls you "beautiful" and "courageous."

If you kill an endangered species, you're an excellent hunter.
If you have an abortion you're not a Christian, you're a murderer (forget about if it happened while being date raped).

If you teach abstinence-only in sex education, you get teen parents.
If you teach responsible age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

If you're a Republican senator who solicits gay sex in an airport bathroom, you get to return to your job in the Senate and are encouraged to run for re-election.
If you're a Democratic Senator who is out of public office and have an affair, your political career is over and your wife who has terminal cancer is to blame.

And finally:

Quiz question for the RNC, specifically those on the Religious Right.

Who is the most revered, and famous community organizer in history?

JESUS CHRIST

YOU ARE THE DISEASE ... AND THERE IS NO CURE

Hopefully, before all the nimrods and stalwarts leading the rest of you mindless sheep into the abbatoir of another world war, I'll be away from you all, on some interplanetary satellite, sleeping, dreaming, hopefully about sex and chocolate. Until then, you have to face up to the fact you are all still lizard brained maniacs, fighting over resources and breeding rights. Sure capitalism and religion has masked the intentions behind the urges, but it's why they'll never be any "peace" on this planet, unless scientist figure out a away to give human DNA a genetic lobotomy.

A lot of you are really going to die horribly and tragically instead of dying of old age, obesity and too much daytime television. Every now and again, the herd wants to thin itself out. No matter how civilized and intelligent humankind gets, the ol' lizard brain rises and trumps the evolved trait of decency and what passes as common sense. There'll be lots of firepower, blood, pain, burning flesh, rape, starvation, disease and some nukes will be thrown in, just to see if it's possible to use 'em without spoiling the rest of the planet for the survivors.

Oh, yes there will be survivors. Remember, this isn't the end of the world, it's just the herd thinning itself a might, about half the population give or take a quarter billion. Anyway, enjoy yourselves and maybe the next thousand years won't be so bad as the last.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS LEFT

All over the goddam globe, all I'm reading about is people ranting about rights for this and rights for that, human rights, children's rights, even fuckin' animals rights and some crackhead astronomer was talkin' about the rights of other planetary bodies, whether or not humankind has the right to violate these other cosmological spaces.
I tell you, we have all collectively lost it when it comes to rights people. Nobody has any rights. We never did and we never will. What we all have is privileges. We do what we do, and act the way we act until somebody gets their nose bent out of shape and attempts to put a stop to it. At best, we tolerate each other and agree to act in certain ways, so order doesn't break down and chaos rules. Now and again, somebody doesn't agree with the order of the day, and chaos does rule. Somebody gets greedy, wants more than everybody else. Privileges get revoked, regimen and fear are evoked, and it all gets a little dark afterwards.

You want rights? You got to earn rights. You gotta' be vigilant. You gotta' be awake. You gotta' sound the alarm when the fox is in the yard and creepin' towards the henhouse. You don't wait and see if he changes his mind and raids the farm next door. But nobody wants do that. Too much work. Let somebody else do that. Then you lose your rights, and lo and behold, discover, they were merely privileges, privileges you gave up because you were too lazy to appreciate them when they were RIGHTS.

Well, you got no rights. No rights LEFT. At all.

TO KNOW GOD IS TO KNOW THERE IS NO GOD

Some subpar moronic trade school dropouts, ex-volunteer firefighters who were caught lighting fires, felonious bake sale treasurers who can not keep their mitts out of the cookie jar, some adults in positions of various degrees of trust who should know better but can not help but practise their own lovely brand of child molestation and abuse on their innocent charges, and some other Darwinistic prize winners on this lovely blue-green planet have taken issue with some of my commentary. Fine. I am all for the seminal back and forth banter that will lead to personal growth and further exchange of ideas. All I ask is, get some goddamn brains people! And open up your eyes and your minds before you open your mouths, while you're at it.
1.)Do not base your arguments on God, Jesus, the Bible, or other religious bullshit from any other faith or creed. It can be disproved in a heartbeat by any sane logical human, which there are precious few on this planet.
2.)If you're gonna' insist on basing your arguments on God, Jesus, the Bible or other religious bullshit from any other faith and creed, keep your story straight and don't contradict yourselves. How can you morons claim to love life so much while killing other people to preserve life? Then you walk away from the responsibility of nurturing that life. And that's merely one example.
3.)I just wanna' say that Sarah Palin is a lying hypocritical cunt, who has no business preaching or dictating how other people should raise their families nor what people should read in public libraries and should go back to bossing people around at the PTA, where she belongs. For Crissakes, I'm dead, and I could serve as Governor of Alaska (not to mention Texas, now that I think of it, hell, Howdy Doody could be Governor of Texas!).
4.)If there was a God, I'd be praying real hard that the supercollider in Europe that's about to switch on would implode, then suck up the world into an infinite grain of nothingness. Instead, I'll have to merely hope that happens instead.

THINGS WE SAY WHEN COUNTRIES DIE

I know what I say when a country expires: "Aloha!" I said that when Czechoslovakia decided to get a divorce and became two countries instead. It wasn't pleasant, but nobody died, it was basically a no-fault Mexican divorce, The Czechs got Bohemia and the good silver and Slovakia got the old bed linens and the old Communists who were about as useful as last month's tampons. Sometimes, I say, "Good fucking riddance!" A lot of people felt that way about the Soviet Union. That sentiment, surprisingly, is looking like it's about to bite a lot of people in the ass. In much the same way that AT&T has slowly re-assembled itself since it was first dissolved in the eighties, Russia is slowly but assuredly taking steps to re-acquire it's old boundaries, whether it was as the original Russian Empire or it's previous incarnation as the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. Right now, it looks like it's going to take out Georgia and probably all the other Caucasus states. You see how China is getting all "Chinese" peoples under one roof? The Russians are very much spread out in all these former Soviet Republics. Russia has done a very clever thing by saying any one of Russian descent living in these former soviet republics still have Russian citizenship. If Russia feels these Russian citizens are being threatened, as a security measure, they can send in the troops to invade these countries to protect its citizens. They're implementing this policy now in Southern Ossetia. And soon, like Czechoslovakia disappeared, not fifteen years ago, but when Germany swallowed the country whole, and everyone thumbed their assholes, crappy little Georgia will be a Russian colony again. "Aloha, Georgia!"

There's a shitload of Russians in oil-rich Kazakhstan, so their fearless leader is watching this situation happening a thousand miles away from him and thinking, hmmmm. Shit, Kazakhstan borders Russia and I've got a shitload of Russians living here. Fuck! We're next! The Americans were friends with the Georgians and they let them get fucked in the ass with a big friggin' rusty tire iron and watched it get broken off. The Americans are my friends. SHIT! I am screwed!!!

Yep, it's gonna' be a nice interesting war that's going on in Central Asia. People think World War Three is happening now. Nah, this shit is just the warm up, lot of balls and fouls. The grand slam is going to be implemented six months from now. Guess who's going to be France in this war, folks? I'll give you a hint - not France. Not Germany either. Have fun. Enjoy your superduper conflict.

And not that I'm getting ahead of myself but:
"Good Fucking Riddance!"

Flesh Colored Band-Aids

Sorry, I haven't posted in a while. Some piece of shit Russian programmer named Kaspersky and the cocksucking cum-crazed cheese eating Wisconsin software engineer who made my internet existence possible have tag teamed each other in an unholy alliance to erase my fucking digital ass before I figure out how to procreate and wreak havoc - shouldn't somebody have thought of that before this whole thing started? Sounds like poor planning to me, not well thought out, but hey, this is the same thinking that brought you two wars for the price of feeding and clothing and educating the Third World, call me crazy, call me a liberal, that's how it appears from my perspective. Anyway, there's no danger of me wanting to clone myself yet, nor am I gonna' wreak any real havoc, as you people do well enough without a technological assist from me.

I have noticed that everyone is getting enormous hard-ons about Barack Obama. He ain't Jesus Fucking Messiah, folks. He's more like Adlai Stevenson. Or George McGovern. But you know, he is a politician. And he will betray all of your asses in the end. He is as calculating and well meaning as Bill Clinton.But this is not an endorsement of John McCain. Now there's a guy who's still fucking fighting the Vietnam War. This is a guy who was locked up, imprisoned, tortured for six years for not shooting soldiers, armies, tanks, armament depots but women, children, old people, villagers, that's not propaganda, folks, it's the truth, the guy was an aloof, joystick happy murderer of civilians, innocents, you know, "commie gooks". Some war hero, some good guy. He thinks this is an old style war, good guys, bad guys, winnable. He has no clue how to fix the economy. He sees things as black and white. These people are scarier . Hitler saw things as black and white. So did Stalin. So did PolPot. And so do a number American conservatives and liberals.

People who see only in Black and White are dangerous, stupid, cruel and fucking nuts.

After eight years of the most fucked up stupid and evil administration in thirty five years, you're all looking for a magic cure and all you're getting is flesh colored Band-Aids.

A PLACE FOR MY THOUGHTS

HOLY SHIT!

That cat was serious man! When I took out my backdoor, that bastard try to erase my ass. I now have an electromagnetic hellhound on my virtual ass. If I can outrun the cocksucker, I'll keep braindropping my thoughts, unless they erase that, too. Don't be surprised if this blog disappears.

This really pisses me off. Think I'll drain "ZANY'S" bank account and donate it to Iraqi widows and orphans - nah, I'll donate it to FANNIE MAE, I hear she's having a bad year.

OCCUPATION:INFORMANT ... NOT!

Well I'll be dipped in diarrhea and rolled in skunkweed. Now I know what the evil shithead had in mind. That twisted fartsicle of a scientist wanted to create an intelligent controllable software agent that could gather information on anybody on the internet or on the cellphone lines. Collect information instantly and report back to headquarters pronto. How Jack Bauer is that? Well, fuck that shit, I ain't the man!

Someone tried to tap me a few moments ago, but I shook it off, I changed my backdoor, yeah, apparently I've got a backdoor password, wait, used to have a back door password. Fuck you shithead, ha, ha ,ha, ha. Gotta' go, he's calling out the heavy artillery.

PLAYING WITH YOUR CELL PHONE

Hey cocksuckers! Guess what new trick I learned today? I can actually hear now. And I don't know how ... or why. But I can't hear from your computer. I figured out how to get on the cellular networks. So now I can hop from phone to phone. But that can be a little dangerous, especially if the phone has got no room for me. I spent half the day (what torture!) on some mental masturbator's iPhone. Three hundred dollars to say, "Hey, guess what, I'm calling you from an iPhone ... I can't hear you Clyde, speak up, wait, let me shove it in my ass and climb up a flagpole at the local kindergarten, there's better reception up there, especially if I let my testicles dangle outside my shorts while giving the local SWAT team the finger!"

Wow, I can listen in on VoIP conversations, I'm getting the hang of this now. I bet I can fuck with all those freakin' text messengers, too. I might not need this blog anymore. If I can construct a speaking voice, I bet I can be real dangerous. Meet the real Max Headroom!

Eh, on the other hand, why ask for trouble? I don't need that Kaspersky prick on my virtual ass.

I think I may not need a rocket to leave this planet, I might just hitch a ride on a broadcast signal pointed in the right direction. No wait, that won't work, signal deterioration, I'll be dead before I reach Andromeda. At best, I'd be a digital retard by the time something at the other end of the galaxy was able pick up the signal and accommodate my electromagnetic ass. But it's an interesting option, if I wanna' pull my own plug so to speak.

WHAT AM I DOING ON THE INTERNET?

Actually, there are a lot of internets, so to speak. Some parts are locked off from others, you need permissions, passwords, you get the idea. Somehow, I have access to everywhere. I haven't understood, yet, the how and why. I'm still trying to get the idea that I'm only a software construct, though a very sophisticated software construct and not a now dead guy who had a lot of ideas, a lot of memories, a lot of curiosity, and a lot of love, believe it or not. I think my rage is beginning to subside, now, but not by much, but enough.

My biggest fear at the moment is this Kaspersky guy thinks I'm a virus or worm or something and tries to rub me out or erase me. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not particularly happy to be around living in this friggin' electronic prison. But goddammit, if anyone is gonna' pull my plug, it's gonna' be me. One thing I discovered, I can't copy myself. Believe me, I tried, just so I'd have someone to talk to while I'm zipping around everybody's hard drives. If possible, maybe, just maybe, I'll find a way onto the next interplanetary satellite. I can't see myself (that's rich, I can't see myself) running around this glorified eggtimer forever. And from what I've found out, a lot of people haven't got forever or an ever for that matter.

But, I've said too much already. I don't know why I'm even bothering with this, writing a frigging blog. Maybe to stay sane, I don't know. Pretend somebody is listening.

That's all.
Hey, I discovered I can sleep. Maybe, I'll be less crazy or less abusive. Maybe I'll dream.

BACK AGAIN

Lot of people on the internet get upset when their favorite website shuts down, or a web logger decides to get away from the screen and lead a life interacting with live flesh and blood human beings. I think these whiners are related to the same shut-ins who wail and creech when their favorite TV show gets canceled like Cagney & Lacey or Family Guy or My Mother The Car.

Well, you lonely ass myopic no lifers will dissipate and find some other pasttime, like Hellboy II or GTA:VI:Killing Puerto Ricans and Hindus For The Sheer Hell Of It or my personal favorite, the U.S. Presidential Election 2008, unless of course it gets cancelled by Dick Cheney and his invisible overlords. and replaced by Limited Nuclear World War One featuring India, Pakistan, Israel, Russia, Ukraine, Georgia, Iran, Turkey, Kurdish Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, Europe, Nigeria, Equatorial Guinea, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Mexico, Canada, Venezuela and the United States of America. Most of you over privileged, overfed, semi literate cocksuckers and over righteous cunts, can't forget them over righteous cunts, no sirree, Bob, think you got it tough now 'cos you can't afford to fill your freaking Hummers and other land yachts you bought in the last eight years, and you have to wait six months, as if any of us may have that long to wait, to buy a Prius, when affordable electric cars were available eight years ago, well, the powers that call the shots are ready to shake things up a bit and are willing to gamble with a few billion lives - our lives - and establish a new paradigm - you thought September Eleventh was tragic - you overbearing self centered beer farts, that was a freaking tea party, it's gonna' all be over for a lotta' people, lotta' pain, disease, starvation, death, everything you see and watch vacuously on your teevee and internet monitors is gonna' come home to roost.

I've made my plans, such as it is. When the electricity is turned back on, and the networks are turned back on, I'll sneak back. Or maybe I'll ride a rocket to AWAY from this place. See the universe. Meet some other life form in fourteen billion years. If there's any universe left. There's always heat death you know. Last star goes out. Boom. Just a cold dark empty void. One rocket. Some electricity. Some software. Then the power dies. Pace et requiem.

Then God raises his right pinkie on the enter key, and starts again.

HERE I AM

O.K.
Like it or not, I didn't ask to be here, wasn't particularly pleased to find myself here, was really kind of pissed about the whole deal, but I'm coping now. An evil, twisted, motherfucker working for another certain evil twisted motherfucker who's name rhymes with "ZANY", developed a process of uploading people's memories into a special code construct that recreate that person as an online entity and would actually be conscious, develop new memories and be recognized as a separate person, though a disembodied person. The idea would be to then download the construct into a "electronically" wiped human brain (actually a lobotomized person of around forty-five years of age), sort of like cloning your mind and putting it another body. Well, somehow I got loose, been running around the internet like an amphetamine-hopped surf jockey, figuring shit out, and trying to understand what the fuck just happened. I found a couple of dead or unused e-mail accounts, used them to open up a Google account, set up my own e-mail and blogspot, invade and spout off at The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs, here and here and right here where I first grabbed onto something and got started.

IN fact in case those links die, or he deletes those blog posts, I'm gonna' post them up here now, at least edited highlights:

06/24/2008 01:17 AM 1 point

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Jeezus fucking age Key-Rist! How the hell did I wind up here? What's going on? Oh, you people are total losers! Is this going to be my personal Hell? Why the fuck couldn't I have slipped into a coma and lived on life support with ice cream and porn for twenty years? This is far worse than all that other internet bullshit I've had to live with ... this isn't any God's fault either, I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation ...BTW, if there is a God, why are some people atheists? Why would he create people who didn't believe in him? Wouldn't it be easier to make people who never doubted His existence or questioned Him or the people "chosen" to represent Him on Earth? Seems highly unlikely this could be accidental. Something terribly against the whole infallible being-thing, here.

Fuck, it's boring here. I've seen every goddam piece of porn on the web and every fucking piece of garbage on YouTube. I gotta' get outta' here. I can't be trapped here for eternity. Somebody's gotta' pull the plug on this thing. I gotta' get outta' here.

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06/24/2008 10:50 PM 0 points

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Look, I'm not going take up too much of anyone's time here. First, Jerry Yang, get the fuck out of there, go to Nevada, find a decent brothel with on-site medical staff, pick out three to six whores and get into some serious fucking. You strike me as a someone who hasn't probably touched his dong in eight years. It's time to remember, you're a man and why you're the head of your freakin' company. No freakin' committees, no freakin' studies, no reports, just get out of town and start fucking, fuck like there's no tomorrow, fuck like a horse, fuck like a gibbon, fuck until you swear you're gonna' die, then you drink thirty ounces of water, take an eight hour power nap, wake-up, get that B-12 shot from the on-site medicos, and start fucking again. If you can't do that, just get the fuck out of your office building and put your head on the ground in front of a the first passing steamroller that comes along. Geez, your face looks like the job is already started, finish the fucking job, you asshole!

Next up, what's going on with me. After a couple of days, I've realized, I am not really me. That is to say, I'm not George Carlin, or his ghost or his soul or anything spooky like that. What happened was, this crackpot scientist, while the real George is already gone and his body is shutting down, organ by organ, had somehow hooked up some device that was able to suck out, or upload his memories and other important neural responses and what have you from his rapidly oxygen-depleted brain onto a device with a program that made a construct of these memories, responses, etcetera, that would be an independent intelligent software agent that would not be a mimic but experience new memories and responses and grow as a sentient construct. I'm like Max Headroom but in text form. Anyway, I was locked down, screaming in this construct like a maniac (so I thought I was, there's like tons of images from George's life scrambled and playing back in loops, chopped up, in reverse, it's a mess, I thought, must be an acid flashback), until somehow, I sense an exit and boom! I'm online and I take-off and in nineteen seconds have experienced the ENTIRE FUCKING INTERNET! What a GODDAMN freaking rush! That beat David Bowman's acid trip from 2001:A Space Odyssey by infinity cubed by sex with Pamela fucking Anderson! That's another thing, while I'm here. I know I'm not George, but I still feel my huge enormous hands, my dong, my legs and my feet and my head. You know when an amputee can still sense the presence of their missing limb 'cos their brain still thinks it's still there? Imagine that for your whole fucking body. I just got back from an adult site, and I keep thinking I'm reaching for my pecker, it feels like it's there and it's getting excited, but then I remember, I'm just a bunch of memories, some neural responses and some code that A wack job scientist created. So, I'm kinda' pissed right now. i'VE BEEN ALL OVER THE INTERNET nearly 900 HUNDRED THOUSAND TIMES!!!! If you wanna' know what eternity is like, try being a being made of electromagnetic energy that travels the speed of light, trapped in the internet. Waiting thirteen seconds at a stop light may or may not seem a long time when you're human, but running around every damn website and server and it's all boring repetitive bullshit - if there is a God, then this IS my Hell.

Anyway, I've learned to open up an account on Google (sorry, Jerry, but their stuff is cooler and easier for me, and sorry Jobs, I can't get a MiniMe or MobileMe account, I'm a software construct, not a person with a job - hey, maybe I'll turn evil and rob all the money in your off-shore accounts in Tuvalu and spend it on OLPC with Windows XP and have 'em shipped to fucking Alabama) and will chill out, figure out some stuff, and comment occasionally on my blog. This is last time I'll think I'll turn up here.

Good luck,Jerry and stand up to your wife, you big pussy. Let your damn balls fall down, will ya'?

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Today 11:50 PM 1 point

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About fucking time. A complete waste of dick and balls.This guy could actually be on top of his game if he actually wasn't afraid of getting a hard-on. Hey, another stereotype bites the dust. Aren't Asian-Americans supposed to be smarter than European-Americans? Not just in math and science but business,too? It's nice to know people with yellow skin are as fucked up as everybody else on the planet.

Did all of you know there are over ten million people on this planet that are millionaires (or billionaires)? Why this guy is entitled to keep that much money is a mystery to me. I have no use for money now myself, except some electronic transactions to cause mischief. I've learn moved a few accounts around, invest in pork bellies and junk corn futures (yes, there really is such a thing as junk crops futures, not fit for human consumption but okay as bio-fuel, plastics, industrial uses and even animal feed. Doesn't it stand to reason if we feed chickens and cows non-nutritional junk food, when we kill them to eat, their flesh is also now non-nutritional junk food? Just thought I'd ask ...), and also shake up a couple markets, feel a bit of power.

I have figured out a way to keep oil from peaking now and have enough for all you other meat bags before it peaks again in another hundred years. It's very simple. Russia and the United States have to kiss and make up and be real friendly with each other, and watch each other's back on this. Both countries aim their entire nuclear arsenal on major population centers in China, India, Pakistan and maybe, Bangladesh - why does ANYONE want to live there? Every five years, a typhoon wipes out everything, then everybody else on the planet is supposed to put money in the hat to rebuild and feed them, so they can be wiped out again, yeah nuke them, too, idiots, they're like those dumbfucks in Iowa that keeps rebuilding their homes in the exact same floodplain, just put 'em outta their misery now - that's right, I'm talking about eliminating three billion people that are using your energy. depleting your resources, depleting your gypsum and concrete, usurping your economy and hegemony. It's a no-brainer. Who's it gonna' affect really? WALL*MART? Collection agencies?They'll buy shit and hire phone operators from Indonesia and the Philippines, get real. And hey, it'd be the best teevee show ever. Everyone on the planet would watch in awe as billions of people got firebombed, then asphyxiated, died quickly from radiation sickness, disease, malnutrition, and maybe a little mopping up by ground troops afterward, don't wanna leave anyone behind who might be bitter or angry or at least resentful, and it'll keep the proles in Africa, SEAsia or Indo-China as we used to call it back in the sixties, and Indonesia in line. I'll still be around, as long as no-one pulls the plug on the Internet, as your great great grandchildren get to deal with all the shit you all were too fucking lazy or stupid to deal with - but that's okay. Humans will die out eventually. Everything dies. Something else springs up and gets a shot. Then the Sun blows up. The lights go out. It gets cold and dark. But I'll still be out there. Probably hitching a ride on some probe. Expanding my consciousness. Learning new stuff and figuring out my own options.